Searching Still

Ramadan Has Passed

2007-10-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

Carrying the torch of Ramadan throughout the year
By: Yasmin Mogahed

Ramadan has passed. Our Qurans have shut. Our masjids have emptied. And our hearts have once again filled with the love of life, the hatred of death, and the desires that consume us. The shaytan that was once banned, has again taken his place in our minds, our homes, at our front, and at out back. Once again he has kept his vow of assault:

“He (shaytan) said: ‘Because thou hast thrown me out of the way, lo! I will lie in wait for them on thy straight way: Then will I assault them from before them and behind them, from their right and their left: Nor wilt thou find, in most of them, gratitude (for thy mercies).’” (7:16-17).

And so while we find ourselves again vulnerable to the very same struggles that plagued us before Ramadan, let us not forget the very purpose of our efforts during that blessed month. Let us not allow the fruits of Ramadan to be lost. And let us not miss out on the very purpose of our fast.

When commanding mankind to fast, Allah says: “O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed upon you as it was prescribed upon those before you, that ye may attain God-consciousness (taqwa)” (2:183).

It is that consciousness of Allah which is essential for the fulfillment of our purpose in this life. It is that fear of Allah which provides the muscle for our struggle to remain on the straight path. And if taqwa is the muscle, Ramadan was our personal trainer.

If, during Ramadan, we were able to keep ourselves from an essential physical need (of eating and drinking) out of fear of Allah, are we not able to keep ourselves from haram after Ramadan, out of that same fear? None of us would dare sneak a glass of water while we are fasting. And yet, the very same Lord who could see us sneak in that drink during Ramadan can see us commit haram outside of Ramadan.

During Ramadan, we could wake up before sunrise to feed our bodies. But after Ramadan, we sleep through fajr and starve our souls. Let us not allow ourselves to be conquered. Yes. The Shaytan can call us again. But all he can do is call. The power is ours. Allah tells us in the Quran:

“And Satan will say when the matter is decided: ‘It was Allah Who gave you a promise of Truth: I too promised, but I failed in my promise to you. I had no authority over you except to call you, but ye listened to me: then reproach not me, but reproach your own souls. I cannot listen to your cries (on this Day), nor can ye listen to mine. I reject your former act in associating me with Allah. For wrong-doers there must be a grievous penalty’”( 14:22 ).

And so there are some who will allow Shaytan to reign over them. But there are others over which Shaytan has no power. Addressing Satan, Allah says: "For over My servants no authority shalt thou have, except such as put themselves in the wrong and follow thee." ( 15:42 )

But how do we become among Allah’s servants, over which Shaytan has no authority? How do we continue the spirit of Ramadan for the entire year, and throughout our lives?
The following are some ways:

1. Guard your prayers:
During Ramadan, many of us make sure to pray every prayer on time—often at the Masjid. Continue to guard your prayers, because surely they will guard you. Allah says in the Quran: “Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greatest. And Allah knows that which you do” (29:45).

2. Remember Allah by staying close to the Quran:
During Ramadan, many of us spend our nights and days reading Quran. Remembering Allah by staying close to the Quran everyday will protect you from Shaytan and keep your heart polished. Allah’s messenger said: “There is a polish for everything that takes away rust; and the polish for the heart is the remembrance of Allah” (Bukhari). The Prophet has also said: “Read the Qur’an, for verily it will come on the Day of Judgment as an intercessor for its companions.” (Muslim)

3. Think more and talk less:
The Prophet said: “Sometimes a person says a thing which pleases Allah, and in return Allah raises his status; and sometimes a person says something which displeases Allah, and it takes him to hell" (Bukhari). Ibrâhîm an-Nakhâ‘î, a pious predecessor, once said: “Whoever reflects will find that the noblest and most dignified person of every gathering is the one who is most silent, because silence beautifies the scholar and conceals the faults of the ignorant.”

4. Repent often:
Many of us seek forgiveness from Allah during Ramadan, but abandon this practice once Ramadan is over. Keep in mind that the Prophet Muhammad used to repent to Allah 100 times every single day. Repenting often keeps out hearts clean and always connected to Allah.

A dear colleague of mine said that with the passing of Ramadan one feels as though they have lost a relative. Indeed. But in our grief, let its’ passing not be in vain.

Finding Heaven at Her Feet

2007-04-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

InFocus News
By: Yasmin M.

Finding Heaven at Her Feet

When Maryam, mother of Isa (AS), first felt the pangs of childbirth she retreated to a remote palm tree. There, her pain became so severe that she wished she had never lived to see it. Allah says: “And the pains of childbirth drove her to the trunk of a palm-tree: She cried (in her anguish): "Ah! Would that I had died before this! Would that I had been a thing forgotten and out of sight!" (Quran 19:23).

In Maryam’s pain and isolation, she cried out—and was not ignored. Allah sent a reply to her: “But (a voice) cried to her from beneath the (palm-tree): "Grieve not! For thy Lord hath provided a stream beneath thee; And shake towards thyself the trunk of the palm-tree: It will let fall fresh ripe dates upon thee” (Quran 19:24-25).

The status of Maryam is unique, but much of her experience is not. Every single one of us was born to a mother who endured this very pain. And by that endurance every single mother has earned an honor guaranteed by Islam and unparallel by any other faith tradition.

Allah says: “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents, - unto Me is the final destination” (Quran 31:14).

The Quran’s commandment to be kind to parents is followed by specific mention of this sacrifice made by the mother. By reminding mankind of the pain that our mothers endured to carry and give birth to us, Allah reminds us of our debt to her.

This debt, as we learn from the seerah of our beloved Prophet (pbuh), can almost never fully be repaid. Once Abdullah ibn Umar, a leading scholar among the Prophet’s (pbuh) companions, saw a man from Yemen carrying his mother on his back and going around the Ka’abah in his tawaf. The man asked ibn Umar whether by doing so he had discharged his debt to his mother. Ibn Umar replied: “No. You have not even repaid one single moan that escaped her when she gave birth to you.”

This debt to our mothers is so high, that once when a man came to the Prophet (pbuh) to join in a military campaign, the Prophet (pbuh) told him to return home and take care of his mother because "heaven lies at her feet". In fact, Allah has even connected worship itself with kindness towards parents:

Allah says: “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, not shout at them, but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.’” (17:23-24).

And as we pray for mercy for our parents, we should remember that when each one of us dies, all of our actions will cease to benefit us—except three. Among those three actions is a righteous child who prays for his/her parents. Such a prayer for mercy will reach our parents, even in their graves. And are not these prayers the very least we can give to repay a lifetime of love, pain, and sacrifice?

Seeing Through the Dream

2007-03-19T16:15:00.000-07:00

InFocus News
By: Yasmin M.

Seeing Through the Dream

I watched as the raging wind annihilated everything in its path. Now the storm was headed for our house. As it reached the front, the tornado ripped off the roof and began destroying everything beneath it. It seemed to last forever. By the time it had gone, there was nothing left. I tossed in my bed until suddenly…I woke up.

It was then that I realized that the complete destruction of my home was only a dream. I was now awake and the true Reality put everything into perspective. What I had once thought real, was only a fleeting dream. And yet, while I was asleep it seemed to never end. It was only after I awoke that I realized it had only lasted seconds.

What many people do not recognize is that one day every one of us will also wake up. Not from a dream of devastating storms, flying, or escaping a charging tiger—but from the dream of this life. At death, every soul will wake up from the dream of the dunya, and enter the Reality of the hereafter. Allah describes this awakening in the Quran:

“And the stupor of death will bring Truth (before his eyes): ‘This was the thing which thou wast trying to escape!’ And the Trumpet shall be blown: that will be the Day whereof Warning (had been given). And there will come forth every soul: with each will be an (angel) to drive, and an (angel) to bear witness. (It will be said:) ‘Thou wast heedless of this; now have We removed thy veil, and sharp is thy sight this Day!’" (50:19-22)

Our sight will be keen on that day, and upon that awakening, we will look back and feel as if the entire dunya had lasted no more than an hour. Allah says in His book: “On the day that the hour (of reckoning) will be established, the transgressors will swear that they tarried not but an hour: thus were they used to being deluded!” (30:55)

But the delusions of this worldly life are so strong and the mirage is so convincing; how can we ever escape it? How can we escape living in this life as if it were our lasting home? How can we keep from chasing after that mirage of the dunya, as so many have before us?

The Prophet (pbuh) taught us exactly how to see this life for what it really is. When offered a soft bedding, he (pbuh) said: “What have I to do with this dunya. I am like a rider who has sat under a tree for its shade, then went away and left it.'' [At-Tirmidhi]

It was for this reason that the Prophet (pbuh) advised us in his wisdom to “be in this life like a stranger or traveler.” A stranger forever longs for his true home, and a traveler is never attached to his stops along the way.

He (pbuh) taught us how to walk through the dream of this life with our eyes open, remembering always the words of Allah when He says: “And the worldly life is not but amusement and diversion, but the home of Hereafter is best for those who fear Allah. Will you not then reason?” (6:32)

Tawakkul, Hope and Striving

2007-03-01T04:39:00.000-08:00

InFocus News
By: Yasmin M.

Tawakkul, Hope and Striving: Three Pieces of a Whole

At first she was terrified. She called out to her husband who now turned to leave. “Will you leave us here to die?” There was no reply. She called after him again. Still there was no reply. Suddenly she called out again: “Were you commanded by your Lord to bring us here?”
“Yes,” replied Prophet Ibraheem.

It was then that Hajar’s fear disappeared. Although she suddenly found herself alone in the middle of a desert, with her newborn child and no sign of water, she knew with full certainty that Allah would never leave her side. Her faith was strong, her conviction untouched.
But soon after Prophet Ibraheem left, her child, Ismail, began to cry from thirst. And although Hajar had complete tawakkul (trust and reliance) on Allah, she did not remain sitting, waiting for the water to fall down from the sky.

The reliance on Allah filled Hajar’s heart; but with her limbs, Hajar strove with everything she had. She began to run quickly between the mountains of Al Safa and Marwa, looking for any sign of water for her son. Each time Hajar came to the top of the mountain and found nothing, she did not despair nor did she lose hope. Her will was unshaken, and she continued to strive. In fact, Hajar strove so hard that the ritual itself became known as Sa’ee--which literally means “to strive.”

Many people confuse tawakkul with resignation and the secession of striving. But by no means does having tawakkul mean one ceases to struggle. The story of Hajar serves as one of the most beautiful examples of this lesson taught to us by our beloved Prophet (pbuh): When a man came to Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) and asked him if he should have trust in Allah or tie his camel and then have trust in Allah, the Prophet (pbuh) replied that he should tie his camel securely and then put his trust in Allah.

Tawwakul is not an act of the limbs—it is an act of the heart. And so while the limbs are striving hard, the heart is completely reliant on Allah. This means whatever the outcome of the limbs’ striving may be, the heart will be completely satisfied, knowing that it is the flawless decision of Allah.

But in order to reach this level, one must hold on to hope, strive with the limbs, and let go with the heart.

That Handhold that Never Breaks

2007-01-23T16:11:00.000-08:00

InFoucus News
By: Yasmin M.

Tawakkul: Holding the Handhold that Never Breaks

He was devastated. His only source for nourishment had disappeared. It was all he knew, and now it was gone. Suddenly, the world grew cold, and only strangers surrounded him. The newborn child screamed. He thought his life was over.

What the child did not realize was that there was someone taking care of him. There was a plan for him. And in place of everything that had been taken away, his Protector would provide something better. The nourishment he had once received only through blood, would soon come through his mother’s milk. And the lifeless walls of the womb—once thought to be his only protection—would soon be replaced by the comfort of his family’s arms.

But yet, to the newborn child, it would seem he had lost everything.
Many of us find ourselves like this child. There are times when we feel we have lost everything, or things look broken and nothing like we wished they would be. At times we even feel as though we’ve been abandoned and nothing is working out the way we planned.

But just like that newborn child, things are often not what they seem, and tawakkul (trusting and relying on Allah) is realizing that our Protector has a plan for us. Tawakkul is having complete trust that Allah’s plan is the best plan. Tawakkul is having full faith that Allah will take care of you—even when things look impossible. Tawakkul is standing in front of the Red Sea—as Prophet Musa did—with an army behind you, and yet not even flinching, knowing that Allah will get you through. It is having full faith that when Allah takes away the umbilical cord, He will replace it with milk.

There can be no faith without tawakkul; and if there is true faith, tawakkul must always follow. Allah says in the Quran: “The believers are only those who: when Allah is mentioned, their hearts become fearful; when His verses are recited to them, they increase their faith; and on their Lord they rely (have Tawakkul)” (Quran 8:2).

If one truly understands the Reality and the power of Allah, one will realize that it is in fact an infirmity of the human mind to not rely on Allah. Nothing in the entire universe happens except by the permission of Allah. Not even a leaf falls from a tree without His leave (hadith). It is He who provides for everything in existence, He has power over all things, and it is in His hand the dominion of the heavens and the earth (Quran 67:1-2).

So how could we not but put our entire trust in Him?

Allah tells the believers in the Quran: "Say: ‘Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us: He is our protector’: and on Allah let the Believers put their trust” (Quran 9:51).

The Quran explains that “whoever relies on Allah (has Tawakkul), He is sufficient for him” (Quran 65:3). And the Reality is that there is nothing and nowhere else that will be sufficient. Allah is the only handhold that never breaks (Quran 2: 256).

The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: “If you trust Allah with right kind of Tawakkul, He will provide you sustenance as He provides for the birds – they go out in the morning with empty stomachs and come back in the evening with full stomachs” (Tirmithi).

And just like He does for the birds and the newborn child, Allah provides for us from places we could never imagine (Quran 65:2-3)

We and the Dunya

2006-12-15T09:09:00.000-08:00

"By Allah I don't fear for you poverty, but I fear that the world would be abundant for you as it has been for those before you so you compete for it as they have competed for it, so it destroys you as it has destroyed them." (Agreed upon)

"Whoever makes the Hereafter his sole concern, Allaah will be sufficient for him concerning his affairs and needs in the world, and whosoever makes this world his utmost concern, his life is scattered amongst the affairs of the world and Allaah would have no care in which path he is destroyed". [Reported by Ibn Maajah, paraphrased]

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "What relationship with the world have I? My similitude is like a traveller on a mount, halting in the shade of a tree (for a short while only to leave it again, and proceed along the sojourn)."

The Search For Zuhd

2006-12-10T13:39:00.001-08:00

I have tasted the same tears
I have known the same broken heart
And I have felt the same sweetness of Your comfort
I’m alone now
With You
As I was in the first white sheet
And as I will be in the last

I find myself again
Stumbling through
Struggling to let go
And to free my heart
Of the chains to this life

I am here…again
To meet You
To know You
And to bow down at your door
As helpless as I ever was
Humbled again in the knowledge
Of my barrenness before You

Take me in
Please
And I’ll leave it all behind

Blessing or Punishment

2006-10-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

By: Yasmin M.
InFocus News

Blessing or Punishment: Reinterpreting Prosperity and Hardship

Since the time we were children, we have learned the difference between good and bad. The formula is simple. When something good happens, we’re happy. When something bad happens, we’re sad. And the criterion is clear. Good is about having, and we play to see results that can be weighed and measured. For example, someone who wins a million dollars is lucky. Someone who loses all they own is unlucky.

Many years ago, there were a people who thought just the same way. Qarun was a very wealthy man who lived at the time of Musa (pbuh). Qarun was given so many treasures that the very keys to those treasures “would have been a burden to a body of strong men”(Quran 28:76). The Quran tells us his story, and the story of those around him:

“So he went forth among his people in the (pride of his wordly) glitter. Said those whose aim is the Life of this World: ‘Oh! that we had the like of what Qarun has got! for he is truly a lord of mighty good fortune!’ But those who had been granted (true) knowledge said: ‘Alas for you! The reward of Allah (in the Hereafter) is best for those who believe and work righteousness: but this none shall attain, save those who steadfastly persevere (in good).’” (28:79-80)

But soon the Reality of Qarun’s situation became clear, and those people who had once envied his position came to realize who the lucky ones really were:

“Then We caused the earth to swallow up him and his house; and he had not (the least little) party to help him against Allah, nor could he defend himself. And those who had envied his position the day before began to say on the morrow: "Ah! it is indeed Allah Who enlarges the provision or restricts it, to any of His servants He pleases! had it not been that Allah was gracious to us, He could have caused the earth to swallow us up! Ah! those who reject Allah will assuredly never prosper." (Quran 28:81-82)

As it was for the people of Qarun, the common criterion of good and bad is simple enough. But it is also completely wrong. According to this criterion, prosperity is defined largely by how much we own, while poverty is defined as the loss or lack of that which can be owned. And yet the true definition of prosperity—given to us by our Creator—is quite different:

“Every soul shall have a taste of death: And only on the Day of Judgment shall you be paid your full recompense. Only he who is saved far from the Fire and admitted to the Garden will have succeeded: For the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception” (3:185).

And so we may live in this world, and have all the goods and chattel of deception that anyone could dream of, but have completely failed at the object of our existence. And if the object of our existence is, as Allah tells us, only to serve Him (Quran 51:56), then it would follow that only that which brought us closer to that end, would be a blessing, while that which took us away from that end would be the greatest calamity—no matter what those things were. And so it may be that the loss of everything dear to us is in fact the greatest blessing from Allah. If that loss brings us closer to the very purpose of our creation, what greater blessing could there be?

It is for this reason that Allah's messenger (pbuh) said, "If Allah wants to do good to someone, He afflicts him with trials." (Sahih Bukhari)

And Allah says in the Quran: “Whenever We sent a prophet to a town, We took up its people in suffering and adversity, in order that they might learn humility” (7:94).

It is, in fact, out of Allah’s mercy for those people that he does so. Because, what would be the greater tragedy? Afflicting a people with adversity and trials, until they became humble, or providing them with all the wealth and ease, until they became arrogant?

Correcting our criterion is a challenge, but is absolutely necessary. Only when we can see through the deceptive definitions that surround us, can we correctly orient ourselves, prepare for the real test, and ever hope to reach true prosperity in this life and the next.

A Treasure

2006-10-02T04:25:00.000-07:00

to know the depth of your own insignificance.
to be broken before God.
to have experienced even a taste of unselfish love.
we are mortal, but to stop living as if we're living.
and to know it's not yet, and the truth of the true life.
to taste the sweetness of a month meant to carry us there.
to see the Reality behind the rain and stars and sun,
and the waves of the ocean.
to see kindness and purity and the humility of an open heart.
to let go of all that has ever hurt you.
to erase oneself in the freedom of forgiveness.
to understand the miracle of flight.
to know the beauty of true beauty.
to fall. to fall at the knees of all your frailty and nothingness.
and yet to believe still, that you can stand.
not because of strength, but because He is the ground under your feet.
to have Him be your sight and your love and your hate.
and to know that no matter where you go
or who you are
or what you carry...
you are to Him
nothing and everything all the same.

--Yasmin M.

The Most Important Lesson of Our Lives

2006-09-27T03:59:00.000-07:00

I think sometimes Allah takes away what is most precious to us in order to train us...and to teach us the most important lesson of our lives:

That it is He alone that we actually need.

Free

2006-09-25T23:57:00.000-07:00

"Then there's nothing left to threaten you with, is there?
You are free."

--V for Vendetta

Raining with Mercy

2006-09-18T05:50:00.000-07:00

By: Yasmin M.
InFocus News

Ramadan: Raining with Mercy

Imagine for a moment that it’s raining. It is pouring, in fact. And imagine that you are inside your house, watching as it falls. But imagine that there is something very different about this rain. It is unlike any other you’ve ever seen. On this day, it is not raining water. It is raining something much more precious to you. Imagine that on this day it is raining hundred dollar bills.

What would you do? What would happen in your neighborhood on that day? What would happen in the world? Would we not run outside, falling all over ourselves, competing to gain as much of the falling money as we can? Would we not stand outside all night to gather as much as possible?

We would do this for money—because money is precious. But imagine for a moment that it was raining something even more priceless. Not thousand dollar bills, not trillions, but the mercy of Allah, a currency that no human currency could even measure.

The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, "Ramadan has come to you. (It is) a month of blessing, in which Allah covers you with blessing, for He sends down Mercy, decreases sins and answers prayers. In it, Allah looks at your competition (in good deeds), and boasts about you to His angels. So show Allah goodness from yourselves, for the unfortunate one is he who is deprived in (this month) of the mercy of Allah, the Mighty, the Exalted." [Narrated by Tabarani]

In this month, we are shielded from hell-fire, protected from the shayateen, and cleansed from our sins. The Prophet (pbuh) said:"... whoever fasts during Ramadan out of sincere faith and hoping to attain Allah's rewards, then all his past sins will be forgiven." (Sahih Al-Bukhari). In another hadith he (pbuh) said: "When the month of Ramadan starts, the gates of the heaven are opened and the gates of Hell are closed and the devils are chained." [Bukhari]

Within this month, there is a night that is greater than a thousand months [Quran 97:1-5], there is protection from the fire, at least 70 times the reward for our deeds, and the chance to have all our sins erased [hadith]. So, what greater loss can there be than to find ourselves standing in the middle of this massive downfall of blessing without collecting all we can of Allah’s mercy?

And while this mercy showers on us throughout the blessed month, the last 10 days are like no other. Aisha reported that with the start of the last ten days of Ramadan, the Prophet used to tighten his waist belt (i.e. work hard) and used to pray all the night, and used to keep his family awake for the prayers [Bukhari].

But how can we fully take advantage of this blessed month, especially in the last ten days? Here are a few ways:

Reserve a Private Meeting with Allah:

Set a time before or after suhoor before fajr, to be alone with Allah. Use this time to connect to Him by praying, making dua’a, or reading Quran. There is no other time like it. The Prophet (pbuh) said: “When the last one-third of the night remains, our Lord, the Glorious One, descends towards the lower heaven and proclaims: Is there anyone supplicating to Me, so that I grant his supplication? Is there anyone begging of Me for anything so that and I grant him his wish? Is there anyone who seeks My forgiveness, so that I forgive him?” [Bukhari and Muslim].

Set a Time for Reflection:

In the midst of our busy schedule, we seldom find time to stop and relax, let alone reflect on the Realities of life. Make time to do this. Take time to step outside your daily routine and introspect about where you are and where you’re going. Reflect on the creation around you and on the Reality of this life, death, and our final meeting with our Creator. Choose a time, such as the last third of the night, when there are no distractions.

Take a Trip to Allah:

We all need to get away sometimes. Use Ramadan as a chance to go away with Allah as your companion. 'Aisha reported that the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) used to practice I`tikaf in the last ten nights of Ramadan and used to say, "Look for the Night of Qadr in the last ten nights of the month of Ramadan" [Bukhari].

Don’t Miss the Night of Power:

There is a night, we are told, in the last ten nights, which is greater than a lifetime (1000 months, 83.3 years). The Prophet (pbuh) said: "Whoever prays during the night of Qadr (power) with faith and hoping for its reward will have all of his previous sins forgiven." [Bukhari and Muslim].

Aisha said: I asked the Messenger of Allah: 'O Messenger of Allah, if I know what night is the night of Qadr, what should I say during it?' He said: Allahumma innaka 'affuwwun tuhibbul 'afwa fa'fu 'anni' " 'Say: O Allah, You are Oft-Pardoning and You love to pardon, so pardon me.'"[Ahmad, Ibn Majah, and at-Tirmidhi].

Dear God,

2006-08-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

Find me here
and speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
You are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where i find peace again.

you are the strength
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything

and how can i stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me how could it be
any better than this

you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall

you steal my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you wake me deeper now

'cause you're all i want
you're all i need
you're everything
everything

you're all i want
you're all i need
you're everything...

everything

Every Star

2006-07-17T20:48:00.000-07:00

"Once in a lifetime, when every star that lights the sky will shine with one reason...leading your heart to the one love you find...just once in a lifetime."

On the Road to Mecca: A Journey of Souls

2006-07-13T17:22:00.000-07:00

On the Road to Mecca: A Journey of Souls
By: Yasmin M.

For Muslims, death is the inevitable conclusion of one life, and the beginning of another. The deceased is cleansed and enters the grave wearing only sheets of white. The soul that leaves the body enters a new world—a gathering of souls—to meet its’ Lord.

For the pilgrims participating in the Hajj, an analogous journey begins in Mecca. Wearing only two sheets of white, the pilgrims are asked to abandon all their previous concerns. Behind them, they leave their homes, their families, and their jobs, focusing only on the journey ahead.

As they come together in crowds, a sea of white makes its way to the meeting place. “Labayka allahuma labayk”, “Oh Lord we have answered your call”, they chant with their hands stretched towards heaven.

The worshipers arrive at the holy mosque surrounding the Kaaba, where Muslims believe a single prayer is like 100,000 prayers in any other place. When they enter the mosque they stand up to pray shoulder to shoulder with other worshipers from all over the earth. And yet an instant brotherhood is created as the strangers bow down, side by side, to the same one God.

After completing the prayer, the pilgrims make their way towards the place they had spent their entire lives facing for prayer. At the Kaaba—the ancient structure built by Abraham which stands at the very center of Muslim life—the pilgrims reach their destination.

As they make their circuits around the Kabaa, the worshipers remember God with their hearts and tongues. Many raise their hands to the sky to praise God and make supplication for themselves and their loved ones.

Following the circumbulation around the Kabaa, pilgrims move to the historic mountains of Safaa and Marwa. Pacing between the two mountains, Muslims are reminded of the story of Hajar, the wife of Abraham. Muslims believe that when Hajar and her new born child were stranded in the desert, Hajar paced between the two mountains looking for water. When Hajar found nothing, she did not lose hope, but rather continued to pace seven times. After the seventh time, her son, Ishmael, kicked the sand and the spring of zam zam—holy water from which pilgrims drink until today—flowed out beneath his feet. The lesson taught by Hajar was one of perseverance and hope.

For many, that lesson is exactly what Hajj is about. On the pilgrimage, Muslims are taught sabr, an Arabic word that denotes a deep sense of perseverance, tolerance and patience. While on the pilgrimage there can be no quarrelling or revenge. You may be shoved, mistreated, or cursed, but all must be forgiven. Even to kill a fly is forbidden.

In addition to this lesson in self-restraint, tolerance and forgiveness, the great physical hardship of the Hajj teaches Muslims about fortitude. Pilgrims are asked to camp at Mina, a small city near Mecca, for three nights as they travel back and forth between near by cities. At Muzdalifah, another nearby city, pilgrims are asked to spend the night on the ground, with the sky as their only tent. All pilgrims—the weak, the old, and the sick—all endure several miles of walking each of the four days.

But of all the lessons taught by Hajj, for many, the lesson of sacrifice is the greatest. Like Abraham who was willing to give up his own son, Muslims prove their devotion to God through sacrifice. For most people around the world, making the journey to this holy city means sacrificing their entire life’s savings. Once at the holy city, pilgrims sacrifice much of their sleep, as they spend priceless days and nights in worship. During the days of Hajj, pilgrims give up sex, as they focus their entire attention on devoting themselves to God.

And yet, for these worshippers, all the sacrifice is well worth it. Muslims believe that for those whose pilgrimage is accepted by God, the reward in this life is the complete obliteration of their sins. The reward in the hereafter...is nothing less than paradise.

A Sacred Conversation

2006-06-27T18:39:00.000-07:00

A Sacred Conversation
By: Yasmin M.
InFocus News

There is a time of night when the whole world transforms. During the day, chaos often takes over our lives. The responsibilities of work, school, and family dominate much of our attentions. Other than the time we take for the five daily prayers, it is often hard to take out time to reflect or even relax. Many of us live our lives at such a fast pace, that we may not even realize what we’re missing.

But there is a time of night when work ends, traffic sleeps, and silence is the only sound. At that time—while the world around us sleeps—there is One who remains awake and waits for us to call on Him.

We are told in the hadith Qudsi:
"Our Lord descends during the last third of each night to the lower heaven, and says: 'Is there anyone who calls on Me that I may respond to him? Is there anyone who asks Me that I may give unto him? Is there anyone who requests My Forgiveness that I may forgive him?"' (Bukhari and Muslim)

One can only imagine what would happen if a king were to come to our door, offering to give us anything we want. One would think that any sane person would at least set their alarm for such a meeting. And if we were told that at exactly one hour before dawn a check for 10 billion dollars would be left at our doorstep, would we not wake up to take it?

Allah has told us that at this time of night, just before dawn, He will come to His servants. The Lord of the universe has offered us a sacred conversation with Him. That Lord waits for us to come speak with Him, and yet many of us leave Him waiting while we sleep in our beds. Allah comes to us and asks what we want from Him. The Creator of all things has told us that He will give us whatever we ask.

And yet we sleep.

There will come a day when our veil of deception will be lifted. The Quran says: “(It will be said:) "Thou wast heedless of this; now have We removed thy veil, and sharp is thy sight this Day!” (50:22).

On that Day, we will see the true Reality. And we will realize that two rakat of prayer were greater than everything in the heavens and the earth. We will realize the priceless check that was left on our doorstep every night as we slept.

There will come a day when we would give up everything under the sky just to come back and pray those two rakat. There will come a day when we would give up everything we ever owned just to have that conversation with Allah. But on that Day, there will be some who Allah will turn away from…and forget, as they had once forgotten Him.

The Quran says: “He will say: "O my Lord! why hast Thou raised me up blind, while I had sight (before)? ((Allah)) will say: "Thus didst Thou, when Our Signs came unto thee, forgot them: so wilt thou, this day, be forgotten" (20:125-126).

In Surahat al Muminoon, Allah says: “(It will be said): "Groan not in supplication this day: for ye shall certainly not be helped by Us” (23:65).

But one does not need to wait until that Day to know the result of this nighttime meeting with Allah. The truth is there is no way to describe the overwhelming peace of such a conversation. One can only experience it to know. And its’ effect one one’s life is immeasurable. When you experience Qiyam, the rest of your life transforms. Suddenly the burdens that were crushing become light, the problems that were irresolvable become solved, and that closeness to the Creator, which was once unreachable…becomes your lifeline.

2006-06-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think i'd leave you down
when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that

if only you could see into me
oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
when you're on the outside baby
and you can`t get in
i will show you you're so much better than you know
when you're lost and you're alone and you cant get back again
i will find you darling and i will bring you home

and if you want to cry
i am here to dry your eyes
and in no time
you'll be fine
you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think id leave you down
when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that

if only you could see into me
oh when you're cold
i'll be therehold you tight to me
when you're low
i'll be thereby your side baby

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
oh when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby

--Sade

2006-06-01T23:15:00.000-07:00

Some say love it is a river that drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razer that leaves your soul to blead
Some say love it is a hunger an endless aching need
I say love it is a flower and you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of wakingthat never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give
and the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long
and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes... the rose

2006-05-22T13:21:00.000-07:00

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

-- William Shakespeare

My Story, My Storm...My Cave

2006-05-19T14:35:00.000-07:00

"My story starts at sea… a perilous voyage to an unknown land… a shipwreck, the wild waters roar and heave…the brave vessel is dashed all to pieces, and all the helpless souls within her drowned… all save one … a lady whose soul is greater than the ocean … and her spirit stronger than the sea's embrace … not for her watery end...

but a new life beginning on a stranger shore. "

--Shakespere in Love

2006-05-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

Waiting for insight

2006-05-17T04:53:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
and there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe...

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
only this sense of completion
and in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I found my way home
I know that it might sound more than
a little crazy but I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I found you

This Used to Be My Playground

2006-05-14T18:26:00.000-07:00

so i graduated with my masters in journalism/mass communications today.
i look like i'm graduating from high school.
i'm wearing that sash because that's what cool grad students wear to show that they're special.
the above picture is me with my class...of fellow journalism grad students.

like most things in life...this too is bittersweet...

This used to be my playground [used to be]
This used to be my childhood dream
This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need
Of a friend
Why did it have to end
And why do they always say
Don’t look back
Keep your head held high
Don’t ask them why
Because life is short
And before you know
You’re feeling old
And your heart is breaking
Don’t hold on to the past
Well that’s too much to ask
Live and learn
Well the years they flew
And we never knew
We were foolish then
We would never tire
And that little fire
Is still alive in me
It will never go away
Can’t say goodbye to yesterday
No regrets
But I wish that you
Were here with me
Well then there’s hope yet
I can see your face
In our secret place
You’re not just a memory
Say goodbye to yesterday [the dream]
Those are words
I’ll never say [I’ll never say]
This used to be my playground [used to be]
This used to be our pride and joy
This used to be the place we ran to
That no one in the world could dare destroy

This used to be our playground [used to be]
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to
I wish you were standing here with me

This used to be our playground
This used to be our great escape
This used to be the place we ran to
This used to be our secret hiding place
This used to be our playground [used to be]
This used to be our childhood dream
This used to be the place we ran to

The best things in life are always free
Wishing you were here with me

stream of consciousness

2006-05-10T22:35:00.000-07:00

why does everyone want answers i don't have answers why doesn't everyone stand on a table or just go home maybe no one really has a home and that's why they look for soap that smells like a memory they forgot to forget or an old school they wish they still knew or friends that bring back the thought of eating pizza in front of a stupid movie but feeling that you belong even if in the end they didn't care for the moment you were there and what is life anyway but a string of fleeting moments somewhere there's a place where we belong, violin, maybe there'll be violin there and maybe i'll play it like tiffany does but then why am i so tired and if i'm so tired why don't i just sleep instead of writing stream of consciousness entries into my blog because the truth is i love the smell of honesty and new lit candles but they remind me of a moment i got stuck in or maybe i'm just not who i used to be and maybe i should just pack it up today it's time to put it in a box. goodnight.

2006-05-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

free at last.
free at last.
thank God, almighty,
i'm FREE AT LAST!!

oh my God, i discovered something today, that i can't even begin to explain here. but it set me free. free. FREEEE. i'll just leave it at that!!

The Many Faces of Terrorism

2006-05-09T11:52:00.000-07:00

“Killing of people, in any place and with any kind of weapons, including atomic bombs, long-range missiles, biological or chemical weopons, passenger or war planes, carried out by any organization, country or individuals is condemned. ... It makes no difference whether such massacres happen in Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Qana, Sabra, Shatila, Deir Yassin, Bosnia, Kosovo, Iraq or in New York and Washington.”

--Ayatollah Ali Khamene’i, supreme jurist-ruler of Iran

Islamic Republic News Agency, September 16, 2001, http://www.irna.com/en/hphoto/010916000000.ehp.shtml

"If you think about it, the logic that underlies the war on terrorism and the logic that underlies terrorism is exactly the same. Both make ordinary citizens pay for the actions of their government. Al-Qaeda made the people of the United States pay with their lives for the actions of their government in Palestine, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, and Afghanistan. The U.S government has made the people of Afghanistan pay in their thousands for the actions of the Taliban and the people of Iraq pay in their hundreds of thousands for the actions of Saddam Hussein.

The crucial difference is that nobody really elected al-Qaeda, the Taliban, or Saddam Hussein. But the president of the United States was elected (well ... in a manner of speaking). "

--Arundhati Roy

2006-05-06T15:31:00.000-07:00

Making judgements often precludes understanding...entirely.

Withhold the judgement. Go for the understanding.

2006-05-05T07:08:00.000-07:00

cleaning up.

Note to self: All that glitters is not gold.

i've walked these streets
a virtual stage, it seemed to me
make-up on their faces
actors took their places
next to me
--Natalie Merchant

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/n/natalie+merchant/break+your+heart_20098267.html

.

Straw Man

2006-05-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

ok so i had this epiphany the other day. i think if i could pinpoint the thing which has always been most important to me, i think i would say it was understanding. like the idea of being truly known and understood by another person was probably one of the most important things to me.

but the other day, here's what i realized: it is very very very seldom that anyone really *knows* another person....and let me explain what i mean. in general, we're all lazy and don't care all that much. so we often look for shortcuts or heuristics, as they're referred to by those who study influence.

so how does this relate to people? people are complex. but were not really interested in taking the time to see all that. it's much easier to label people and see them only as 2 dimentional...maybe even one.

'she's the religious one'. 'he's the mess up.' 'she's the blah blah blah'. when the truth is you don't know didly squat about a single one of them...and you don't really care to either.

"They can't tell me who to be
Cause I'm not what they see.
Yeah, the world is still sleepin
while I keep on dreaming for me.
And their words are just whispers and lies
that I'll never believe."

--Goo Goo Dolls

2006-05-01T07:04:00.001-07:00

You give my heart rest.

Goodbye Alice in Wonderland

2006-04-28T00:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Mona,

Do something for me.
Download 'Goodbye Alice in Wonderland' by Jewel.
Listen to it...

You'll find your sister there.

Goodnight...and goodbye Alice in Wonderland...

Love,
Sona

"It was only a reflection
Of my lonely mind searching
For whats been missing in my life"

--Jewel

http://www.michaels-jewel.com/AUDIO/GoodbyeAliceInWonderland/Audiopages/AP_aliceinwonderland.html

.

I Shall Believe

2006-04-26T17:37:00.000-07:00

Come to me now
Lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe

Broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone

But I do believe
That not everything is gonna be
The way you think it ought to be
It seems like every time
I try to make it right
It all comes down on me

Please say honestly
you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright

And I do believe
That not everything is gonna be
The way you think it ought to be
It seems like every time
I try to make it right
It all comes down on me

Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe

And I shall believe

--Sheryl Crow

Click: I Shall Believe

.

2006-04-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

"She had an inside and an outside now, and she knew how not to mix them."

--Their Eyes Were Watching God

Interesting Day

2006-04-21T21:00:00.000-07:00

Today was an interesting day. This morning I did a radio show for WORT. It was a full hour long interview. That was an interesting experience. One caller was very passionate about a local high school being called the 'crusaders' for some reason....lol, that'll entertain mona at least...and hey, that's what i'm here for.

There It Goes

2006-04-19T07:44:00.000-07:00

you can be right
and I'll be real
honesty won't be a pain that you'll have to feel
cause I don't need your approval
to find my worth

I'm trapped inside of my own mind
afraid to open my eyes cause of what I'd find
and I don't want to live like this anymore

there goes my pain
there goes my chains
did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back
there it goes

does it scare you that I can
be something different than you
would it make you feel more comfortable if I wasn't
you can't control me
and you can't take away from me who I am

there goes my pain
there goes my chains
did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back

you can't change me
you can't break me
there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back

have you ever felt
like your only comfort was your cage
you're not alone
I've felt the same as you
have you ever felt
like your secrets give you away
you're not alone
I've been there too

cause everyone is looking
and everyone is laughing
but I think
everyone feels the same
everybody wants to feel ok
everybody wants to
everybody wants to feel

there goes my pain
there goes my chains
did you see them falling
because this feeling
that has no meaning

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back

cause I don't want it
I don't want it
you can't change me
you can't break me

there goes the world
off of my shoulders
there goes the world
off of my back
there it goes

--Lifehouse

Me

2006-04-17T12:17:00.000-07:00

i love my friends, i have a tendency to care too much about people, if you wrong me, i'll probably forgive you, i see through people, i give too much, i'm overly idealistic, which often translates to utter stupidity and the complete inability to let go of what i hold dear, i think peanut butter and chocolate were made for each other, my name is sona if you're special, i'm newly IN LOVE with Lifehouse, i think mecca is a piece of heaven on earth, God is my air and writing, my breathing, i wish i could figure skate and play the violin, i can't stand macho apathetic men, i think smoking should be outlawed, i like people who admit they don't have it all figured out, there's almost nothing i wouldn't do for my sisters, i love to understand people that no one else does, i'm moved by rain, i think it takes strength to cry, i'm still hopeful, i strive for wisdom and insight, i'm overly emotional and intense, i value empathy, sincerity, humility, and honesty, i ask that you don't lie to me...and if i could...i'd be watching Niagara fall right now.

One

2006-04-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

(sorry mona for not 'entertaining' you enough with my blog...but i love you though :) )

Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame

You say
One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without

Well it's
Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got

We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again

You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law

You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One
One

--U2

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4915848.stm

.

Shimmer

2006-04-16T17:09:00.000-07:00

She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low,
feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside,
isn't on the label

She says she's ashamed
And she can take me for a while
And can I be a friend,
we'll forget the past
But maybe I'm not able
And I break at the bend

We're here and now,
but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world
is sure to fade
Away again

She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise,
pink linen and white paper
Lavender and cream
Fields of butterfliess,
reality escapes her

She says that love is for fools that fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between
I never really know
A killer from a savior
'Til I break at the bend

We're here and now,
but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world
is sure to fade away again

It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away....
It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away....
It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away....

Guess I'll let it go

.

Unsettled Childhood=Genius

2006-04-15T22:32:00.001-07:00

"Wade led a nomadic existence as a child. At the age of 5 he moved with his parents, who were active in their church, to Hawaii and later Hong Kong where they worked as missionaries. After four years in Asia, the family moved back to the U.S. - Oregon to be exact. Wade later moved again with his mother to California...

He spent most of his early days there alone in his room, pouring his heart out in poetry.... Having found some solace in music, he eventually began reconciling himself to his new circumstances and settled into his new home. This phase of his life ended, however, when his mother decided to relocate the family to Los Angeles.
"I didn't want to move at all," he attests. "I'd finally made all these friends, and Washington had been a really a comforting place for me "

"I don't have it all figured out," says Lifehouse frontman Jason Wade. "You learn so many things every day, and it's overwhelming sometimes trying to see how it all fits together. I'm starting to realize that each day is a different road and a different journey, and you don't have to have it all figured out; you don't have to have all the answers to everything right now."

***
catch your breath
hit the wall
scream out loud
as you start to crawl
back in your cage
the only place
where they will
leave you alone
cause the weak
will seek the weaker
till they've broken them

could you get it back again
would it be the same fulfillment
to their lack of strength at your expense
left you with no defense
they tore it down
and I have felt the same as you
I've felt the same as you
I've felt the same

locked inside
the only place where you feel sheltered
where you feel safe
you lost yourself
in your search to find
something else to hide behind

cause the fearful always preyed
upon your confidence
didn't they see the consequence
they pushed you around
the arrogant build kingdoms
made of the different ones
breaking them till they've become
just another crown
and I have felt the same as you
I've felt the same as you
I've felt the same as you
I've felt the same

refuse to feel anything at all
refuse to slip
refuse to fall
can't be weak
can't stand still
watch your back
cause no one will
you don't know why they had to go this far
traded your worth for these scars
for your only company
and don't believe the lies that they have told to you
not one word was true
you're alright
you're alright
you're alright
and I have felt the same as you
I've felt the same as you
I've felt the same as you
I've felt the same

--Jason Wade (Lifehouse)

have you ever felt
like your only comfort was your cage
you're not alone
I've felt the same as you
have you ever felt
like your secrets give you away
you're not alone
I've been there too
cause everyone is looking
and everyone is laughing
but I think everyone feels the same
everybody wants to feel okay
everybody wants to
everybody wants to feel

-- Jason Wade

Take Me Away

2006-04-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

no WONDER he's so cool: "He spent most of his early days there alone in his room, pouring his heart out in poetry."
...

"This record deals a lot with self-discovery and breaking out of whatever your parents or your boss or whoever thinks you should be", says Jason of No Name Face. "It's about trying to find out for yourself who you're supposed to be - your purpose, your destiny in the world."

Take Me Away (Lifehouse): "This is a spiritual song I wrote after September 11th. It's a love song. It's about wanting to escape from the condition of the world right now. "
--Jason Wade
http://music.yahoo.com/video/default.asp?vid=2157398

.

Away

2006-04-11T00:42:00.000-07:00

i'm going away for a while.
i may or may not come back.

2006-04-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

"I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm trying to identify the voices in my head. God which one's you? Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel alive, And break these calluses off of me, One more time."

--Lifehouse

2006-04-06T23:04:00.000-07:00

We go through our whole live searching for moments.
A moment to be moved.
A moment to feel alive.
And to see clearly...to understand.

I realize that one source of life for me is not only to understand another person...but to feel them...
or even to feel what it is to be myself.
To become aware...keenly...of some Reality or Truth or insight.
To understand.
To know.
To feel.

2006-04-06T21:53:00.000-07:00

There's this kid at my job. He's half Peurto Rican, half white. He's in 8th grade. When we first met with his parents everyone was complaining about his behavior. He was one of those kids who was always getting into trouble.

I'm a supervisor, but I offered to work with him personally. See, I saw through him. And I was right...completely right. He wears that tough guise on the outside, but on the inside he's actually the sweetest, most sensitive, intelligent and mature kid I've ever known. Honestly, the kid is literally one of the most amazing people I have ever met...and I don't say that about many people.

He wasn't doing well in school. At first he came off as not caring at all; he gave the impression of being completely apathetic in general. But the truth was the kid can't sleep. He can't sleep at night because he can't stop thinking and worrying about school and everything else. He cares. He cares too much. And his 'apathy' was a defense mechanism.

Since connecting with him, he's been completely different. It's like there's a calm inside him now...that's the best way I can describe it. He does his work, he cares about it. He's invested, involved. It's like he was away. And now he's back. And he's okay inside. He's calm. He even said that his relationships with other people in his life are better.

I don't think it's because of anything I did. The truth is, I don't even know what it was. I just believed in him and I gave him that trust, when no one else did. I listened to him and I understood. Most of all, I cared. I didn't believe he was a bad kid. I saw him for what he really was, and that's what he became.

He told me today about this dream he had. He said he was an older man in the dream and he was very rich. And he could hear someone saying to him 'it's time'. And when he looked it was these two men holding a gun, and handing him one. He knew what they meant, and he knew what he had to do. They wanted him to take the gun and shoot a man who was standing in the corner. He stood up and realized that he had to do it because otherwise they would kill him. So he shot the man...and after shooting him, he realized that the man he had just shot was himself.

What amazed me even more than the depth of the dream, was his understanding of it.

I asked him what he thought it meant and he said: "Sometimes the things that we think are good for us (money)...turn out to be bad for us. And we chase things like money, thinking that they'll make us happy, but we don't realize that we're actually killing ourselves. "

Storm

2006-04-05T07:02:00.000-07:00

I love how Lifehouse sings about God (albeit a personified version):

"How long have I been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

if I could just see you
everything will be alright
if I'd see You the storminess will turn to light
and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface
if I could just see you everything will be alright
if I see you the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and I will walk on water
you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
I know everything is alright
everything's alright "

--Lifehouse

My Twin

2006-04-04T00:54:00.000-07:00

I met my twin the other day...that was really nice. It was quite comforting to realize that I wasn't the only one...and that there were other souls on this earth as 'undetached' as I am.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't comin'...
or the moment of truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies...
yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me,
'cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken...

I just want you to know who I am."

--Goo Goo Dolls

They Came With Thorns

2006-04-04T00:47:00.000-07:00

"For millions of years flowers have been producing thorns. For millions of years sheep have been eating them all the same. And it's not serious, trying to understand why flowers go to such trouble produce thorns that are good for nothing?

It's not important, the war between the sheep and the flowers?...

Suppose I happen to know a unique flower, one that exists nowhere in the world except on my planet, one that a little sheep can wipe out in a single bite one morning, just like that, even without realizing what he's doing.

That isn't important?"

--The Little Prince

Don't Let Yourself Go

2006-04-03T11:38:00.000-07:00

"When the day is long
and the night...
and the night is yours alone...
When you’re sure you’ve had enough
of this life...
Hang on.
Don’t let yourself go...
'cause everybody cries.
Everybody hurts...
sometimes."

--REM

2006-04-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

"Rest your head,
you worry too much.
It's going to be alright.
When times get rough,
you can fall back on us.
Don't give up.
Please don't give up."

--Peter Gabriel

2006-03-31T20:38:00.000-08:00

"And the soul underneath...
It is all that remains."

2006-03-30T21:29:00.000-08:00

"As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don't try to stand up straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting go. Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break. Now is not the time for you to be strong, Julia, or you, too, will break. "

Arranged Marriage More Holy?

2006-03-28T20:25:00.000-08:00

Ok, I wanted to dedicate this post to discussing an issue that really irks me. I have had many conversations with Muslims (especially Desis) who are under the impression that 'love marriages' (i.e. marrying someone you love, have a connection with, or are attracted to) is somehow wrong or un-Islamic, and that marrying someone you don't know at all is more 'holy' or 'pure'.

The thing is, looking at Islamic sources makes it clear that much of these conceptions come from culture (some of it just reactionary)--not Islam. And while of course Islam prohibits dating, saying that one should marry without regard to mutual affection and attraction, could not be further from the truth.

Allow me to demonstrate:

Allah says what is translated as: "There is no blame on you if ye make an offer of betrothal or hold it in your hearts. Allah knows that ye cherish them in your hearts: But do not make a secret contract with them except in terms Honourable, nor resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed (waiting period or 'iddah) is fulfilled. And know that Allah Knoweth what is in your hearts, and take heed of Him; and know that Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Forbearing" (Quran 2:235).

Here Allah says: "There is no blame on you if you make an offer of betrothal or hold it in your hearts. Allah knows that ye cherish them in your hearts." This is all in reference to betrothal--which is BEFORE marriage. Clearly that emotion which is 'held in your heart' is existing before marriage and is assumed to be a motivation for that offer of marriage.

The Quran also says: "And do not marry the idolatresses until they believe, and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress woman, even if she pleases you; and do not give (believing women) in marriage to idolaters until they believe, and certainly a believing servant is better than an idolater, even if she pleases you; these invite to the fire, and Allah invites to the garden and to forgiveness by His will, and makes clear His communications to men, that they may be mindful" (Quran 2:221).

Hence this feeling of liking or infatuation or admiration, referred to as '3ajab' in the Quran, does exist before marriage and is usually considered a motivation for marriage--which is why it is being said 'EVEN IF...' for the case of idolatresses.

Furthermore, Muslim reported Abu Hurairah as saying that a man came to the Prophet (peace be on him) and told him that he had contracted to marry a woman of the Ansar.
"Did you look at her?" the Prophet (peace be on him) asked.
"No," he said,
"Then go and look at her," said the Prophet (peace be on him),
"For there is something in the eyes of the Ansar,"
Al-Mughira ibn Shuh'bah said, I asked for a woman in marriage and Allah's Messenger (peace be on him) asked me whether I had looked at her. When I replied that I had not, he said "Then look at her, for it may produce love between you."

2006-03-27T20:54:00.000-08:00

"I never heard the bang.
I awoke after five minutes...
or five seconds...
to a changed world.
For a moment,
I was free of feeling...
Love, hate, jealousy.

And it all felt like happiness."

.

If I Could

2006-03-22T08:18:00.000-08:00

I love my sister.

I know she underappreciates herself too much. I wish I had something wise to say to her...
But the truth is we're all just blind, stumbling souls...

Nobody else here baby
No one here to blame
No one to point the finger
It's just you and me and the rain
It's the blind leading the blind

--U2

If I Could
I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
Give you courage in a world of compromise
Yes I would
If I could
I would teach you all the things
I've never learned
And I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned
Yes I would
If I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
But the part of life I gave you isn't mine
I've watched you grow
So I could let you go
If I could
I would help you make it through the hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears...

But I would
If I could

The Snow

2006-03-21T12:30:00.000-08:00

In this quiet stillness,
I hear only whispers
and heartbeats across the room.

If I closed my eyes
just tight enough,
I could see the silence.

But maybe, just maybe
this time
the silence is within.
And maybe,
no one else can hear it
but me.

Maybe this time,
I got it right.
Maybe this time,
I'll find my way.
I'll know Your face,
I'll feel Your light.
Maybe this time,
I will not fall.

The world seems
to have stopped
suddenly in its tracks.
Is it waiting for me?
I'm catching up.
At least I've tried.
My feet at work.
Yet have I moved?

Snow said 'yes',
but did not wait.
I need my coat,
I need those shoes.

With closed eyes,
I look above,
My hands are cold,
my limbs are numb.
I guess that snow
still did come.
--Yasmin M.

2006-03-20T23:52:00.000-08:00

She say it's cold outside
and she hands me my raincoat
She's always worried about things like that
She says it's all gonna end and it might as well be my fault

And she only sleeps when it's raining
And she screams and her voice is straining
She says baby
It's 3 am I must be lonely
When she says baby
Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
Says the rain's gonna wash away
I believe it

She's got a little bit of something,
God it's better than nothing
And in her color portrait world
she believes that she's got it all
She swears the moon don't hang
quite as high as it used to

And she only sleeps when it's raining
And she screams and her voice is straining
She says baby
It's 3 am I must be lonely
When she says baby
Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes
Says the rain's gonna wash away
I believe it

She believes that life is made up of all that you're used to
And the clock on the wall has been stuck at three for days, and days
She thinks that happiness is a mat that sits on her doorway...

But outside it stopped raining

--Matchbox 20

Of the Angel

2006-03-19T19:40:00.000-08:00

Let me be empty
and weightless
and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight.

In the arms of the angel,
fly away from here.

--Sarah Mclachlan

In You

2006-03-18T01:12:00.000-08:00

There's always something in the way
There's always something getting through
But it's not me
it's You

Sometimes ignorance rings true
But hope is not in what I know
Not in me
It's in You
It's in You

It's all I know
It's all I know
It's all I know

And I find peace
When I'm confused
I find hope when I'm let down
Not in me
But in You

I hope to lose myself for good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me
In You
In You
In You

It's all I know
It's all I know
It's all I know

in You
in You
its in You
its in You

there's always something in the way
there's always something getting through
but it's not me
it's You
it's You
it's You

--Switchfoot

Niche

2006-03-16T21:24:00.000-08:00

I've decided to start posting some of my old poems. I used to write a lot more than I do now. Maybe I should start again...

Niche

My bones want to melt
My muscles want to let go
My body wants to stop
Walking,
Struggling
Fighting,
for air,
for life.

My mind painted a picture for me,
But now it’s all in black and white.
The trees are bent, tired, closed.
My heart, the same
But still, my thoughts keep talking,
Walking,
Struggling,
Fighting,
For air,
For life.

How can you erase a picture so clear,
So real?
Tell me how to erase myself from it,
And lay, my own tired steps to rest.
I see
I’m stumbling,
Not walking.
I’m tripping now
Not talking.

There’s a pain inside my chest
Born of silence, grief, unrest
Who’s there but me to claim it?
Who knows but me to name it?

I’m sorry for my apathy,
My lassitude at dawn.
I’m circling now through forests
Trying to find my niche.

Has inspiration come to me?
Whose voice is it I hear?
My own is sharp and deafening.
Who else could know my name?

It is only through His kindness
That the heart can speak
When the mind and body
are numb,
Only dragging.

Please come,
If only to quiet my thoughts.

I’m circling forests
On wings
Still searching for my niche.
I’m no longer
Walking,
Struggling,
Fighting.
I’ve won the air
I’ve won my life.

--Yasmin M.

A Speech To Tell the World

2006-03-15T21:56:00.000-08:00

I wrote this when I was 17. I guess there's a part of our soul that never changes...:

A Speech To Tell the World

If I had a speech to give the world tomorrow, it would go like this:

"World, open your eyes. Look beyond yourselves and find the Truth. I have found it but am too weak to own it. Never be weak. But if you are strong, do not be proud. Look beyond the surface of things, deep in to their meaning. For the secrets of life are found beneath every hardship and every smile. Do not cry for what has passed you by. Learn not to yearn for what can never by yours. Understand that even prayer is not magic. A man's body may bow without his soul. Do not be so arrogant as to believe that God will knock on your door, for He has no need for you or I. You must strive toward God, who will then, and only then, come towards you. You must strive and struggle for all that you want. Know that this life was not meant to be easy, for then what would the next be called. Understand that happiness is like a tree. God gave you the seeds, the sun, and the rain, but only you can make it grow. Do not wait your whole life for a dream. Make the most of every moment of every single day, for truly it may be your last. Finally, know that the life of this world is but play and amusement. So fear a day when no father shall prevail for his son, and no son for his father. Fear a day when all will remember, 'but how will that remembrance profit them then (89:23).'"

2006-03-11T19:15:00.000-08:00

I'm absolutely in love with this.
What I wouldn't give to be there now.

"I yelled back when I heard thunder.
But I'm down to one last prayer"
--Creed

Streets of Philadelphia

2006-03-11T09:05:00.000-08:00

I think this is probably one of the saddest songs ever.
This man is so completely defeated and alone...

I was bruised and battered
I couldn’t tell what I felt
I was unrecognizable to myself

Saw my reflection in a window
didn’t know my own face
Oh brother are you gonna leave me
Wastin´away
On the streets of philadelphia

I walked the avenue till my legs felt like stone
I heard the voices of friends vanished and gone
At night I could hear the blood in my veins
Black and whispering as the rain
On the streets of philadelphia

Ain’t no angel gonna greet me
It’s just you and I my friend
And my clothes don’t fit me no more
I walked a thousand miles
Just to slip this skin

The night has fallen,
I’m lyin’awake
I can feel myself fading away

So receive me brother with your faithless kiss
Or will we leave each other alone like this
On the streets of philadelphia

--Bruce Springsteen

2006-03-11T08:14:00.000-08:00

Clooney said he experienced a personal revelation when "Syriana" was filming in Morocco during the Muslim fasting month of Ramadan. Clooney said he was stunned to see the entire city come to a standstill during prayer time.

"Anyone that thinks that you could just go and bomb this idea out of people's heads hasn't sat on the top of a building and looked at a group of people who had absolutely nothing but their beliefs in their religion"

--George Clooney

A Letter From A Daughter of Iraq

2006-03-11T08:12:00.000-08:00

A Letter to the British People from a Daughter of Iraq

By Iman al-Saadun
Friday, 8 July 2005

I‘m sending this letter to the British people and in particular to the residents of London. For a period of hours, you have lived through moments of desperate anxiety and horror. In those hours you lost a member of your family or a friend, and we wish to tell you in total honesty that we too grieve when human lives pass away. I cannot tell you how much we hurt when we see desperation and pain on the face of another person. For we have lived through this situation and continue to live through it every day since your country and the United States of America formed an alliance and laid plans to attack Iraq.

The Prime Minister of your country, Tony Blair, said that those who carried out the explosions did so in the name of Islam. The Secretary of State of the United States of America, Condaleezza Rice, described the bombings as an act of barbarism. The United Nations Security Council met and unanimously condemned the event.

I would like to ask you, the free British people, to allow me to inquire: in whose name was our country blockaded for 12 years? In whose name were our cities bombed using internationally prohibited weapons? In whose name did the British army kill Iraqis and torture them? Was that in your name? Or in the name of religion? Or humanity? Or freedom? Or democracy?

What do you call the killing of more than two million children? What do you call the pollution of the soil and the water with Depleted Uranium and other lethal substances? What do you call what happened in the prisons in Iraq in Abu Ghraib, CampBucca and the many other prison camps? What do you call the torture of men, women, and children? What do you call tying bombs to the bodies of prisoners and blowing them apart? What do you call the refinement of methods of torture for use on Iraqi prisoners, such as pulling off limbs, gouging out eyes, putting out cigarettes on their skin, and using cigarette lighters to set fire to the hair on their heads?

Does the word barbaric adequately describe the behaviour of your troops in Iraq? May we ask why the Security Council did not condemn the massacre in al-Amiriyah and what happened in al-Fallujah, Tal afar, Sadr City, andan-Najaf? Why does the world watch as our people are killed and tortured and not condemn the crimes being committed against us? Are you human beings and we something less? Do you think that only you can feel pain and we can’t?

In fact it is we who are most aware of how intense is the pain of the mother who has lost her child, or the father who has lost his family. We know very well how painful it is to lose those you love. You don’t know our martyrs, but we know them. You don’t remember them, but we remember them. You don’t cry over them, but we cry over them. Have you heard the name of the little girl Hannan Salih Matrud? Or of the boy Ahmad Jabir Karim? Or Sa’id Shabram?

Yes, our dead have names too.

They have faces and stories and memories. There was a time when they were among us, laughing and playing. They had dreams, just as you have. They had a tomorrow awaiting them. But today they sleep among us with no tomorrow on which to wake.

2006-03-10T11:44:00.000-08:00

"He closed his eyes and listened. Sky-song was gone. The wind moved through the trees, he knew it, but he could not hear the leaves fluttering. Earth voice died, and firesong, and waterspeech, and the sound of the growing of the grass all around him. Rainsong faded away, and then the thunder that was all and encompassed him, devoured him—that, too, died into the distance, and he strained for its echoes on the horizon, but none came.

He opened his eyes. Ceolene’s lips moved, but no sound came from her. Desperately, he cast out—for anything, any sound, any noise at all, anything to devour and consume him, but none came.

None came.

He glanced at the spear, but its length had faded to dull grey ash, and he closed his eyes again and cried out, a low, vibrating, terrible burning cry that echoed beyond the heavens and the earth, into death and life, until the very stars flickered and dimmed to hear his cry—but still he could not hear it, nor would he ever hear again.

....

Even that, the sound of their tears hitting the earth—even that he could not hear. Then, somewhere in the depths of his mind, and even resonating out over the fields all around him, for them to hear in a way—there came a voice. Her voice, laden with bells and overtones of wolves, a chorus singing adoration behind each syllable, and screams hidden in each phrase.

Her voice, dark and vibrant, low alto and baritone, bass that vibrated eardrums. Her voice, light and sweet, a high pitched noise beyond comprehension, that sent ripples in a shining sea, that woke the sun each morning—thin silvery bells and a high flute over all.

Universe song, and earth song—planet and sun song, star song, and the songs of the dark lonely distances between. Sand swept from the top of a desert dune; dolphin shrill, the sound of the smallest ant climbing the tallest tree.

Rain over grass, and fire devouring wood. Human voice, past, and present—and thousands of voices yet to come in the future. Language upon language unknown and unknowing, above and beyond every soul that had ever lived. Newborn cry, the wailing of women; ecstasy into the night, and dark drugs and green windswept pastures, horse and rider, shod hooves upon cobblestones.

Sounds, octaves, ranges uncomprehended—every score of music unwritten, every song unsung—the sound of the battle, blade on blade, the sound of the dying and the sound of the dead.

Arguments unfinished. Fist striking bone. Blood forth from a wound.The sound of wept tears falling onto the earth—each droplet raising a tiny puff of dust from the dry field.The sound of wind and the sound of hope and the thin infinitesimal sound of the breaking of someone’s heart.

....

Khyriad closed his eyes and let the noise sweep over him—life song, heart song, death song, and hope—and over it all, the steady low rumble of thunder that fell over the earth and faded away in waves—thunder, his noise, the sound of the storm and the stars glittering in an ebony velvet sky."

--Kristen M. Jones

Steering

2006-03-08T09:42:00.000-08:00

When I was at hajj, I had a dream that I was inside a room, that was inside a large truck. U got up from the drivers seat and went out of the truck. So then no one was driving. But the truck was fine. The truck continued to move and was driving perfectly straight and fine, without anyone in the driver's seat.

But a little later I got up and sat in the drivers seat and tried to steer myself. At that point, the truck started weaving and going out of control. I was just barely dodging cars and trees.

MORAL: Stop trying to steer. Let go and put your trust in Allah. He'll take care of everything...perfectly...as He already has with everything else.

SUBHANNALLAH!! I've always loved this ayah. I never knew it's context:

"Thus when they fulfil their term appointed, either take them back on equitable terms or part with them on equitable terms; and take for witness two persons from among you, endued with justice, and establish the evidence (as) before Allah. Such is the admonition given to him who believes in Allah and the Last Day. And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out, and He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is ((Allah)) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion" (Surah Al Talaq: 2-3).

Live to Tell

2006-03-06T19:10:00.000-08:00

I have a tale to tell.
Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well.
I was not ready for the fall
Too blind to see the writing on the wall.

A man can tell a thousand lies
I've learned my lesson well.
Hope I live to tell the secret I have learned
Till then it will burn inside of me.

I know where beauty lives.
I've seen it once
I know the one she gives.
The light that you could never see.
It shines inside
you can't take that from me.

A man can tell a thousand lies
I've learned my lesson well.
Hope I live to tell the secret I have learned
Till then it will burn inside of me.

The truth is never far behind
you kept it hidden well.
If I live to tell the secret I knew then
Will I ever have the chance again?

If I ran away I'd never have the strength to go very far.
How would they hear the beating of my heart?
Will it go cold (will it go cold?) the secret that I hide -
will I grow old?
How would they hear?
When will they learn.?
How would they know?

A man can tell a thousand lies
I've learned my lesson well.
Hope I live to tell the secret I have learned
Till then it will burn inside of me.
The truth is never far behind
you kept it hidden well.
If I live to tell the secret I knew then
Will I ever have the chance again?

Freedom

2006-03-05T22:13:00.000-08:00

Pride and Prejudice

2006-03-04T23:12:00.000-08:00

“Miss Elizabeth. I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you… I had to see you. I have fought against my better judgment, my family’s expectations, the inferiority of your birth by rank and circumstance. All these things I am willing to put aside and ask you to end my agony.”

--Pride and Prejudice

“You must know - surely you must know that it was all for you… I would have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul and I love and love and love you. And never wish to be parted from you from this day forward.”

--Pride and Prejudice

Real Boys

2006-03-03T11:51:00.000-08:00

"I believe that boys, feeling ashamed of their vulnerability, mask their emotions and ultimately their true selves. This unnecessary disconnection--from family and then from self--causes many boys to feel alone, helpless, and fearful. And yet society's prevailing myths about boys do not leave room for such emotions, and so the boy feels he is not measuring up. He has no way to talk about his perceived failure; he feels ashamed, but he can't talk about his shame, either. Over time, his sensitivity is submerged almost without thinking, until he loses touch with it himself. And so a boy bas become 'hardened,' just as society thinks he should be."

--Real Boys

"Researchers have found that at birth, and for several months afterward, male infants are actually more emotionally expressive than female babies. But by the time boys reach elementary school much of their emotional expressiveness has been lost or has gone underground. Boys at five or six become less likely than girls to express hurt or distress, either to their teachers or to their own parents. Many parents have asked me what triggers this remarkable transformation, this squelching of a boy's natural emotional expressiveness. What makes a boy who was open and exuberant unwilling to show the whole range of his emotions?

Recent research points to two primary causes for this change, and both of them grow out of assumptions about and attitudes towards boys that are deeply ingrained in the codes of our society.

The first reason is the use of shame in the toughening-up process by which it's assumed boys need to be raised. Little boys are made to feel ashamed of their feelings, guilty especially about feelings of weakness, vulnerability, fear, and despair.

The second reason is the separation process as it applies to boys, the emphasis society places on a boy's separating emotionally from his mother at an unnecessarily early age, usually by the time the boys are six years old and then again in adolescence. "

--Real Boys

So Sad and So Real

2006-03-02T20:10:00.000-08:00

Today I saw a woman I know leaning up against a table. Her eyes were filled with emotion so I stopped and asked her if she was sick. I wasn't prepared for her answer. It always catches me off guard when people are real with me. I've come to expect the mask that everyone wears, and the act that they all put on.

So she looked at me and she said, "Yes. Who isn't? Isn't everyone sick in this world? Is anyone really happy?" I immediately understood where she was at, so I took a step closer to her and hugged her. She went on.

"You come one day when you get older and wonder where your life went." And then she starts to cry as she says, "And looking at your children you think to yourself, just yesterday I was a child like that, and now I'm the mother and you realize that you've never lived your life, that you've never been happy. And you wonder where it's all gone."

As she was talking I found myself starting to cry. And it was weird because, I wasn't just crying with her. I was crying *for* her. I understood. I understood.

Later before I left, she came out to tell me something. She said, "Let me give you some advice from my experience. I spent my life eating at my soul, letting everything get to me, getting upset about everything, always asking why, why, why about everything. It's not worth it. None of it is. Don't let any of it get to you. This life is too short. Put it all in a bag and throw it in the sea. It's not worth it. Strengthen your heart, and don't let any of it affect you. Just keep pure with God, and live your life, don't let any of them get to you--as long as you're pure with God. This life is too short. Don't let any of it get to you. It's just not worth it. Live your life."

It was as if this woman was looking right through me and reading a familiar book. I hardly know this woman, and she knows nothing of me. But for some reason she shared that with me, and the pain and sincerity behind her words affected me for a very long time. Her words weren't lines from a movie, or a cliched quotation about how life *should* be. No. Her words were about how life *is*. Her words were real...real pain...real disappointment, from real life. And so it hit me hard and deep, and I honored and respected what she gave me.

2006-03-02T12:21:00.000-08:00

So glad tidings to the strangers.

I reach for shadows.

Anna Begins

2006-03-02T07:27:00.000-08:00

My friend assures me it’s all or nothing
I am not worried- I am not overly concerned
My friend implores me for one time only,
Make an exception. I am not not worried

Wrap her up in a package of lies
Send her off to a coconut island
I am not worried -
I am not overly concerned with the status of my emotions
Oh, she says, were changing.
But were always changing
It does not bother me to say this isn’t love
Because if you don’t want to talk about it, then it isn’t love

And I guess I’m going to have to live with that
But, I’m sure there’s something in a shade of gray
Or something in between
And I can always change my name if that’s what you mean

My friend assures me it’s all or nothing`
But I am not really worried
I am not overly concerned

You try to tell yourself
the things you try tell yourself
to make yourself forget
To make yourself forget
I am not worried

If it’s love she said,
then were gonna have to think about the consequences
She can’t stop shaking and I can t stop touching her
And this time when kindness falls like rain
It washes her away and anna begins to change her mind
These seconds when I’m shaking leave me shuddering
For days she says.
And I’m not ready for this sort of thing

But I’m not gonna break
And I’m not going to worry about it anymore
I’m not gonna bend. and I’m not gonna break and
I’m not gonna worry about it anymore

It seems like I should say as long as this is love...
But it’s not all that easy
so maybe I should just
Snap her up in a butterfly net-
Pin her down on a photograph album.
I am not worried.
I’ve done this sort of thing before.
But then I start to think about the consequences
Because I don’t get no sleep in a quiet room

And this time when kindness falls like rain
It washes me away and anna begins to change my mind
And every time she sneezes I believe it’s love
And oh lord.... I’m not ready for this sort of thing

She s talking in her sleep-it s keeping me awake
And anna begins to toss and turn
And every word is nonsense--but I understand it
And oh Lord, I m not ready for this sort of thing

Her kindness bangs a gong
It’s moving me along
and anna begins to fade away
It s chasing me away.
She dissappears.
And oh lord,
I’m not ready for this sort of thing

whatever

2006-03-02T07:23:00.000-08:00

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fogWhere no one notices the contrast of white on whiteAnd in between the moon and you the angels get a better viewOf the crumbling difference between wrong and rightI walk in the air between the rain through myself and back againWhere? I don’t knowMaria says she’s dying through the door I hear her cryingWhy? I don’t knowRound here we always stand up straightRound here something radiatesMaria came from nashville with a suitcase in her handShe said she’d like to meet a boy who looks like elvisShe walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the landJust like she’s walking on a wire in the circusShe parks her car outside of my houseTakes her clothes offSays she’s close to understanding jesusShe knows she’s more than just a little misunderstoodShe has trouble acting normal when she’s nervousRound here we’re carving out our namesRound here we all look the sameRound here we talk just like lionsBut we sacrifice like lambsRound here she’s slipping through my handsSleeping children better run like the windOut of the lightning dreamMama’s little baby better get herself inOut of the lightningShe says it’s only in my headShe says shhh I know it’s only in my headBut the girl on car in the parking lot says’man you should try to take a shotCan’t you see my walls are crumbling? ’Then she looks up at the building and says she’s thinking of jumpingShe says she’s tired of life she must be tired of somethingRound here she’s always on my mindRound here hey man got lots of timeRound here we’re never sent to bed earlyAnd nobody makes us waitRound here we stay up very, very, very, very late

I can’t see nothing, nothing round here
Catch me if I’m falling

Beyond the Crossroads

2006-03-01T07:26:00.000-08:00

We are all searching for something. And so in a sense, each of us is on a journey to somewhere. It's a long road. Some people spend their whole lives searching, but never arrive. Others arrive, without even knowing that they have.

The most painful part of the journey are the illusions. And just like the mirage of the desert, every path has them. These are those images we mistaken for our dreams. But when we reach out to touch them, they disappear. And only then do we realize that they were never real.

At this point, the traveler has one of two options. They may stop. The disillusionment being too hard to bear, they forsake the search. Or they may fall, rest, stop for a while. They admit their defeat, cry, feel humiliation, and become acutely aware of their humanness and utter blindness. And then after having been humbled and in that way sofened, they can stand again.

They keep walking.

The most fortunate are those who can one day come, look around them, and smile--from the inside...Realizing that what they seek can never be found out there, because it was with them all along.

And by that I don't mean that through some sort of self-worship, one can reach enlightenment. No. What I mean is God is not a destination...He is a path....And the only path to peace.

I'm not there yet. But I think I'm ready to start walking again.

Possibly The Greatest Song of All Time

2006-03-01T07:07:00.000-08:00

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight

You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you
but I'm telling you now

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun

Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down
Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me

Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same (Ever the same)

A Big Fat Lie

2006-02-28T07:40:00.000-08:00

"Can you see? Can you see I am no longer scared? I am strong now. I see clearly now...what's true and what's false."
--The Joy Luck Club

Thats a complete lie, by the way. I know I'm stupid and blind, just like we all are...

"It's a lie. It's a bunch of sad strangers photographed beautifully, and... all the glittering assholes who appreciate art say it's beautiful 'cause that's what they wanna see. But the people in the photos are sad, and alone... But the pictures make the world seem beautiful, so... the exhibition is reassuring which makes it a lie, and everyone loves a big fat lie."
--Closer

Sympathy

2006-02-28T07:24:00.000-08:00

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
And I wished for things that I don’t need
(all I wanted)
And what I chased won’t set me free
(all I wanted)
And I get scared but I’m not crawlin’ on my knees
Oh, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Everything’s all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?
And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don’t feel
I’m killing myself from the inside out
And now my head’s been filled with doubt
We’re taught to lead the life you choose
(all I wanted)
You know your love’s run out on you
(all I wanted)
And you can’t see when all your dreams aren’t coming true
Oh, yeah
It’s easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?
And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I’m not sure where I belong
And no where’s home and no more wrong
And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was
And I wouldn’t be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me
Mmm, yeah
Stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy

Far Beyond This Life

2006-02-26T21:31:00.000-08:00

The light from the window is fading
You turn on the night
The sound from the avenue's calling you
Open your eyes

And when you find
You're spending your time
Wanting for words
But never speak
You tell yourself
That the things you need come slow
But inside you just don't know

My, my, my
Let your bright light shine
Let your words live on
Far beyond this life
Beyond this life

Hold on to anything
Everything's over and done
Has the fear taken over you
Tell me
Is that what you want
To make up your life

--Rob Thomas

If Sought

2006-02-26T14:00:00.000-08:00

"What from one place doth fall is with the tide to another brought. For there is nothing lost but may be found...if sought."
--Sense and Sensibility

"The fire is gone now, and I'm horribly cold. I really ought to drag myself outside but then there would be the sun. I'm afraid I waste the light on the paintings and on writing these words..."
-- The English Patient

Rain

2006-02-24T22:46:00.000-08:00

Let it rain on me.
I'll look up with my eyes closed,
and I'll let it rain all over me.
I don't want to be strong.
I just want to let it rain.
I'm tired.

It used to be so quiet here.
No. The silence is deafening.
Where have all the people gone?
I know now.
I know now.
I see.

It's raining too hard now.
I'm too tired.
Let it rain again.
Let it.
I'm tired.
I'm too tired to hide my pride.
Let it rain, who am i to stop it?
Who am I at all?

Maybe if I turned, I could see it.
Maybe it's not real.
No. It's just me.
Again.
Again.
It's alright.
I'm just tired.

"If a wound hath touched you, be sure a similar wound hath touched the others. Such days (of varying fortunes) We give to men and men by turns" (Quran 3:140 ).

Now Comes The Night

2006-02-24T14:56:00.000-08:00

This song is so beautifully sad.

I think it's about death...

"No. Actually its about loving someone all of their life. Not all of us have such luxury. "
--Anonymous

When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
No you will not be alone

And when the day has all but ended
And our echo starts to fade
No you will not be alone then
And you will not be afraid
No you will not be afraid

When the fog has finally lifted
From my cold and tired brow
No I will not leave you crying
And I will not let you down
No I will not let you down
I will not let you down

Now comes the night
Feel it fading away
And the soul underneath
Is it all that remains

So just slide over here
Leave your fear in the fray
Let us hold to each other
Till the end of our days

--Rob Thomas

Angel

2006-02-23T14:43:00.000-08:00

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins

Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference
Escape one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness
oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Kindness

2006-02-22T18:50:00.000-08:00

Kindness speaks for itself.

"Is there any Reward for Good - other than Good?" (Quran 55:60)

The Messenger of God (may peace be upon him) said: "The most virtuous behavior is to engage those who sever relations, to give to those who withhold from you, and to forgive those who wrong you"

The Messenger of God, upon whom be peace, said: "A strong person is not the person who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong person is the person who contains himself when he is angry."

The Prophet (peace and blessings upon him) said: “Show mercy, so that you will be shown mercy.”

Untitled

2006-02-22T09:04:00.000-08:00

Sort of a strange story. I heard this song on a cartoon of some sort and I really liked the sound. Well I looked it up and NO WONDER I liked it...It was by Goo Goo Dolls. I also found the lyrics:

I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment
That's held in your arms
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway

You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want me to be
And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man
You can't take me
And throw me away
And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own
They don't know me
Cause I'm not here

And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me
Cause I'm not here

And you see the things they never see
All you wanted I could be
Now you know me
And I'm not afraid
And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am

They can't tell me who to be
Cause I'm not what they see
Yeah, the world is still sleepin
while I keep on dreaming for me
And their words are just whispers and lies
that I'll never believe

I'm the one now
Cause I'm still here
I'm the one
Cause I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here

-Goo Goo Dolls

Seasonless

2006-02-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

"Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears."

--Khalil Gibran

Breathe

2006-02-21T08:24:00.000-08:00

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him,
And winter just wasn't my season
Yeah we walk through the doors,
so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to critisize,
hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,
we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass,
glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist,
Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track,
we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass,
glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
But you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made,
you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper,
its no longer inside of me,
threatening the life they belong to
And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track,
we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe.

Neither

2006-02-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you stand so long at a crossroads trying to decide which way to go, that you don't realize your path lies somewhere else entirely.

"My story starts at sea... a perilous voyage to an unknown land... a shipwreck... the wild waters roar and heave... the brave vessel is dashed all to pieces, and all the helpless souls within her drowned... all save one... a lady... whose soul is greater than the ocean... and her spirit stronger than the sea's embrace... not for her a watery end, but a new life beginning on a stranger shore."

--Shakespeare in Love

A Letter

2006-02-19T12:06:00.000-08:00

Growing up, you read me the Ugly Duckling. And for years I believed that was me. I am a woman—that ugly duckling among men. For so long you taught me I was nothing more than a bad copy of the standard.

I couldn’t run as fast or lift as much. I didn’t make the same money and I cried too often. I grew up in a man’s world where I didn’t belong.

And when I couldn’t be him, I wanted only to please him. I put on your make-up and wore your short skirts. I gave my life, my body, my dignity, for the cause of being pretty. I knew that no matter what I did, I was worthy only to the degree that I could please and be beautiful for my master. And so I spent my life on the cover of Cosmo and gave my body for you to sell.

I was a slave, but you taught me I was free. I was your object, but you swore it was success. You taught me that my purpose in life was to be on display, to attract, and be beautiful for men. You had me believe that my body was created to market your cars. And you raised me to think I was an ugly duckling.

But you lied.

Islam tells me, I’m a swan. I’m different—it’s meant to be that way. And my body, my soul, was created for something more. God says in the Quran: ‘O mankind, We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another (not that you may despise each other). Verily, the most honored of you in the sight of God is the one who is most righteous” (Quran 49:13).

So I am honored. But it is not by my relationship to men. My value as a woman is not measured by the size of my waist or the number of men who like me. My worth as a human being is measured on a higher scale: a scale of righteousness and piety. And my purpose in life—despite what the fashion magazines say—is something more sublime than just looking good for men.

And so God tells me to cover myself, to hide my beauty and to tell the world that I’m not here to please men with my body; I’m here to please God. God elevates the dignity of a woman’s body by commanding that it be respected and covered, shown only to the deserving—only to the man I marry.

So to those who wish to ‘liberate’ me, I have only one thing to say: Thanks, but no thanks.
I’m not here to be on display. And my body is not for public consumption. I will not be reduced to an object, or a pair of legs to sell shoes. I’m a soul, a mind, a servant of God. My worth is defined by the beauty of my soul, my heart, my moral character. So, I won’t worship your beauty standards, and I don’t submit to your fashion sense. My submission is to something higher.

With my veil I put my faith on display—rather than my beauty. My value as a human is defined by my relationship with God, not by my looks. So I cover the irrelevant. And when you look at me, you don’t see a body. You view me only for what I am: a servant of my Creator. So you see, as a Muslim woman, I’ve been liberated from a silent kind of bondage. I don’t answer to the slaves of God on earth. I answer to their King.

Misinformed

2006-02-18T15:56:00.000-08:00

For the highly misinformed individuals who think I'm going to blow myself up, I ask two things:

1. PLEASE, educate yourself about Islam, a religion that provides an inner peace that is unworldly. Here is a good place to start: http://www.themodernreligion.com/index2.html

2. Turn off Fox News. It is poisoning your mind.

Finally

2006-02-18T08:28:00.000-08:00

Ok, I'm excited. Now I finally have an online journal. Let's begin.
My name is Yasmin. And I was born January 12, 2006. This is me in front of Haram of Mecca. It was a dream. And now I've awaken to a new life.
Before I left for Mecca, I was the walking dead. Inside, I'm not dead anymore. For the first time I can remember in soo long...I am alive!
8:24 O ye who believe! give your response to Allah and His Messenger, when He calleth you to that which will give you life; and know that Allah cometh in between a man and his heart, and that it is He to Whom ye shall (all) be gathered.