Arranged Marriage More Holy?
Ok, I wanted to dedicate this post to discussing an issue that really irks me. I have had many conversations with Muslims (especially Desis) who are under the impression that 'love marriages' (i.e. marrying someone you love, have a connection with, or are attracted to) is somehow wrong or un-Islamic, and that marrying someone you don't know at all is more 'holy' or 'pure'.
The thing is, looking at Islamic sources makes it clear that much of these conceptions come from culture (some of it just reactionary)--not Islam. And while of course Islam prohibits dating, saying that one should marry without regard to mutual affection and attraction, could not be further from the truth.
Allow me to demonstrate:
Allah says what is translated as: "There is no blame on you if ye make an offer of betrothal or hold it in your hearts. Allah knows that ye cherish them in your hearts: But do not make a secret contract with them except in terms Honourable, nor resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed (waiting period or 'iddah) is fulfilled. And know that Allah Knoweth what is in your hearts, and take heed of Him; and know that Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Forbearing" (Quran 2:235).
Here Allah says: "There is no blame on you if you make an offer of betrothal or hold it in your hearts. Allah knows that ye cherish them in your hearts." This is all in reference to betrothal--which is BEFORE marriage. Clearly that emotion which is 'held in your heart' is existing before marriage and is assumed to be a motivation for that offer of marriage.
The Quran also says: "And do not marry the idolatresses until they believe, and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress woman, even if she pleases you; and do not give (believing women) in marriage to idolaters until they believe, and certainly a believing servant is better than an idolater, even if she pleases you; these invite to the fire, and Allah invites to the garden and to forgiveness by His will, and makes clear His communications to men, that they may be mindful" (Quran 2:221).
Hence this feeling of liking or infatuation or admiration, referred to as '3ajab' in the Quran, does exist before marriage and is usually considered a motivation for marriage--which is why it is being said 'EVEN IF...' for the case of idolatresses.
Furthermore, Muslim reported Abu Hurairah as saying that a man came to the Prophet (peace be on him) and told him that he had contracted to marry a woman of the Ansar.
"Did you look at her?" the Prophet (peace be on him) asked.
"No," he said,
"Then go and look at her," said the Prophet (peace be on him),
"For there is something in the eyes of the Ansar,"
Al-Mughira ibn Shuh'bah said, I asked for a woman in marriage and Allah's Messenger (peace be on him) asked me whether I had looked at her. When I replied that I had not, he said "Then look at her, for it may produce love between you."
The thing is, looking at Islamic sources makes it clear that much of these conceptions come from culture (some of it just reactionary)--not Islam. And while of course Islam prohibits dating, saying that one should marry without regard to mutual affection and attraction, could not be further from the truth.
Allow me to demonstrate:
Allah says what is translated as: "There is no blame on you if ye make an offer of betrothal or hold it in your hearts. Allah knows that ye cherish them in your hearts: But do not make a secret contract with them except in terms Honourable, nor resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed (waiting period or 'iddah) is fulfilled. And know that Allah Knoweth what is in your hearts, and take heed of Him; and know that Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Forbearing" (Quran 2:235).
Here Allah says: "There is no blame on you if you make an offer of betrothal or hold it in your hearts. Allah knows that ye cherish them in your hearts." This is all in reference to betrothal--which is BEFORE marriage. Clearly that emotion which is 'held in your heart' is existing before marriage and is assumed to be a motivation for that offer of marriage.
The Quran also says: "And do not marry the idolatresses until they believe, and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress woman, even if she pleases you; and do not give (believing women) in marriage to idolaters until they believe, and certainly a believing servant is better than an idolater, even if she pleases you; these invite to the fire, and Allah invites to the garden and to forgiveness by His will, and makes clear His communications to men, that they may be mindful" (Quran 2:221).
Hence this feeling of liking or infatuation or admiration, referred to as '3ajab' in the Quran, does exist before marriage and is usually considered a motivation for marriage--which is why it is being said 'EVEN IF...' for the case of idolatresses.
Furthermore, Muslim reported Abu Hurairah as saying that a man came to the Prophet (peace be on him) and told him that he had contracted to marry a woman of the Ansar.
"Did you look at her?" the Prophet (peace be on him) asked.
"No," he said,
"Then go and look at her," said the Prophet (peace be on him),
"For there is something in the eyes of the Ansar,"
Al-Mughira ibn Shuh'bah said, I asked for a woman in marriage and Allah's Messenger (peace be on him) asked me whether I had looked at her. When I replied that I had not, he said "Then look at her, for it may produce love between you."
posted by sonarani at 8:25 PM
1 Comments:
Khadija proposed !
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